Short Notes

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Lots of tension on the yard there days, what with the loss of Oprah, Regis and now, All My Children! At least we still have TMZ.

Sexy Photos

If you are going to send sexy photos to your inmate, please laminate them so they don’t get ruined in the shower.

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A box of ammo was found on prison grounds last week, so all outside communication was blocked for security reasons.

Happy Mother’s Day

Of all the holidays, Mother’s Day is the toughest for me to get through in prison. It causes much reflection. That’s all I have to say about that.

Irony

Recently the Las Vegas District Attorney that prosecuted both Bruno Mars and Paris Hilton for possession of cocaine, was himself attested for purchasing cocaine “several times a week” from an undercover officer. 

As I’ve said many times to those who cast stones, you never know when you, or someone close to you, will be touched by disease, addiction or affliction.

Holiday Meals

Our Christmas dinner was: 6 oz of roast beef, 3 oz brown gravy, 3/4 cup mashed potatoes, 1/2 cup wheat bread stuffing, 1/2 cup broccoli, 1 wheat roll, 1 slice apple pie. This is by far the largest meal we get all year with the exception of Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving meal is the same, except replacing the roast beef with turkey. To make our holidays better, here is what we make in our cells with items bought from inmate commissary:

Top Bunk Tamales

2 bags pork rhines

2 bags tortilla chips

2 puches beef stew

1 bag beans

1 large sausage

jalapeños to taste

Crush chips and pork rhines finely and add water to make a paste. Make 4x4 square and fill with other ingredients. Ingredients should have been chopped up and put together like stuffing, then spooning onto the 4x4 of masa. Now roll it up and wrap it tight with a think small trash bag square, tying the ends tight, like a tootsie roll. Make all your tamales them place them all into a large trash bag. Fill a desk trash can or foam ice chest with water, use your stinger to heat the water, submerge the bog of tamales for 8 hours, keeping water as hot as possible, keep checking water level. Makes 20 tamales. 

Buen Provecho!

Fudge

4 boxes oatmeal cookies

6 snickers

2, 10oz cocoa mix

1, 16 oz. peanut butter, smooth or crunchy

2 bags regular m&ms to place on top

Mix all of the ingredients (except m&ms) by hand. Knead it like dough until its evenly mixed and mold it into the shape you desire. Top with m&ms for color or write something with them. Wrap in plastic and let set for a couple hours then slice and serve. This recipe feeds 20 nicely. 

B'Day Cake

Take 40 duplex cookies, scrape off frosting and save to side. Crush cookies, add a little soda (coke or mountain dew) to make a dough. Place in a bowl and microwave until it rises. Top with frosting and you are set. Vanilla cremes are best for this.

Ice Cream

(must have rock salt)

Some prisons have farms. Prison farms have "irrigation crews". Irtrigation crews have access to rock salt. Kitchens have sugar locked up so prisoners can't make hooch. Everything can be bought in prison. If you can get rock salt and sufar, you are set.
1 "resource pack" or "Ensure"
1, 10oz. cocoa mix
1, 10oz. powdered milk
4 Snickers
2 Twix
1 cup sugar
1/2 lb. rock salt
2 bags ice

Get 2 large trash bags. Place rock salt in one and all the other ingredients in the other.  Tie the ingredients bag tight and place it inside the bag containing salt. Now seal that bag too. Now gently roll back and forth on the floor, causing friction and ice cream to form after 30-40 minutes. Usually done by 2 people.